Feb
Word Porn!
So you’ve got your garden-variety porn, divided by eras, hairstyles, and presence of plastic surgery. But you’ve also got your food porn, objectifying and lusting after artfully arranged photos of fancy feasts. You’ve got torture porn, ways for producers to show their inner serial killer by flaying nameless young actors on bloody screens nationwide. And don’t forget gadget porn, for those hard-core geeks who lust after images of the new and as-yet-unattainable toys with which to play.
I’ve got a new one for you. Much healthier, cheaper, and adorably geeky than any of those. How about a little word porn, everyone? Admit it. A well-chosen, obscure, and makes-your-mouth-happy word is a joy you may only admit to when you’re high, but it’s there nonetheless. To indulge my own enjoyment and to encourage your own, here begins our semi-regular column on wicked, wonky words.
- Procrustean. This one just sounds good, doesn’t it? And the definition seems to fit the sound: Marked by arbitrary, often ruthless disregard of individual differences or special circumstances. Or even better: producing conformity by violent or arbitrary means. So every boss you’ve ever had. Hey kids, let’s try this word in a sentence! “In his typical procrustean fashion, Bob demanded every employee wear the new V-neck uniform, despite complaints from well-endowed workers who repeatedly complained of ‘breast poppage.’
- Tatterdemalion. Hello, lover. This gem means ragged, dilapidated, or disreputable. Can we have this word in a sentence, please? “On yet another morning filled with the walk of shame, the tatterdemalion young lass suddenly remembered she’d left her thong on the stuffed moose head in her hookup’s living room.”
- Bouleversement. Ooo la la! Pronounced in good French fashion without the ending t, this means reversal, or violent upheaval. Let’s do this. “In a stunning bouleversement, the Catholic Church removed their centuries-long disapproval of birth control, citing an excess of stupidity and pedophilia in the existing and future ranks of the priesthood.”
More next week!
