Quiet Rebel Writer

In researching my previous post, a special leap-year edition of word porn, I learned about a unique tradition assigned to February 29th. It’s this day where women across the world are allowed and encouraged to propose to their significant male others. This leap year tradition is treated lightly and jokingly, but it’s serious enough that it has many men across the world pissing their pants in fear. On this auspicious occasion, it seems appropriate to let a little rant emerge from the Quiet Rebel Writer.

For those dear readers who don’t know me personally, I exercise some reluctant rebelliousness outside the writing world through the way I’ve decided to live my romantic life. In a very organic and mutual decision, one spurred long ago by my beliefs and desires about relationships, my wonderful boyfriend and I decided upon a perpetual living-in-sin relationship instead of marriage. When it comes down to it, true commitment does not need marriage, we reason. In the nearly eight years that J and I have been together, and six years of cohabitation, our union has been stronger because of our continued, daily choice: we choose each other, and we do it without the necessity of licenses or a wedding or other traditional means.

We have some fun with our decision too. At five years, we held our first PIPOM: a Party in Place of Marriage. We rented out the top floor of a local Chicago bar, invited our friends and family, and had a big old party with lots of alcohol, laughs, dancing, and love. We’ve vowed to hold a PIPOM every five years – PIPOM 2010 promises to be pretty killer.

So where does this promised rant come in? Throughout our eight years of living a bit differently than others, reactions have been mostly positive and supportive. But occasionally, I get someone who’s truly shocked, appalled and threatened by my decision. Usually, it’s another woman. By opting to create an alternative to marriage, and combining that with a decision to opt out of parenthood, some women feel I’m casting judgment on their entire lives, lives dominated by their wedding and their children. I find myself in the position of defending my nontraditional decision, reassuring them I mean no harm through my godless, childless union, and allowing them to comfortably go about their daily lives.

Yes, I have some pretty firm and fierce opinions when it comes to marriage, particularly weddings. I see the traditional wedding as an antiquated institution perpetuating gender roles rooted in the time when women were property. So there’s that. But I’ve been delighted to be part of many of my friends’ weddings, ceremonies that bucked the system in many ways and made the institution their own.

Just like in writing, I find that rebelling against the “normal” way of doing things has brought me success and happiness. In fact, it’s encouraged my quiet rebellion against the “rules,” whether these strictures are about writing, faith, gender roles, or any number of ideas with a traditional way of behavior.

Returning to the original impetus for this rant, I look at the leap year idea of giving women proposal power and think it doesn’t go far enough. Every day should be an opportunity for people, and particularly women, to make their own path in life, whether it’s inverting the ways unions are made, or recreating those unions in your own image, or making your own way in your career, or any number of quiet rebellions. When it comes to making our brief time here on earth rich and enjoyable, we shouldn’t be impeded by the idea of how it’s always done. Find your own way of making individual satisfaction and happiness. It’s much better that way.

This starts yet another QRW column: each Friday I’ll indulge in a little rant loosely related to writing and creativity, and encourage you to do the same. I invite your comments, as always. Tell me what you think! And have a hell of a February 29th.