Quiet Rebel Writer

So why should I read this post?

• Delightful details on the insecurity and intimidation fiction and nonfiction book writers face
• A method to defuse that pesky, pathetic inner voice of doubt
• A chance to tell your story

For those of you like me, with the masochistic desire to write books and get them published, with that willingness to sacrifice time spent relaxing, or with a significant other, or doing something that actually, well, pays, all for the pursuit of a pretty unlikely dream, you understand the crushing power of insecurity and intimidation.

As I noted yesterday, freelancers, writers, and all those who have creative pursuits are probably intimate with insecurity. It sneaks up on you, no matter how happy, confident, successful, or otherwise well adjusted you might be. It strikes at inopportune times, in the form of that voice in your head you want to bitch-slap like all get out, that voice that says you suck, you’re a fluke, a faker, a total failure at everything you try, and doomed to fail again and again until you die alone. Or something like that.

Those hardy folks who take on the mighty task of writing a novel or other book face insecurity so potentially crippling it turns quickly to intimidation. Let’s see how this works.

• The “Holy shit, that’s … good” intimidation. You’re reading a favorite author, or a new find. And as you read, it quickly becomes apparent that you’re reading amazing stuff. Writing that gets under your skin. That haunts you or tickles you or gets you. And rather than enjoy or simply marvel at this genius writing, you get intimidated and discouraged.

  I get this regularly. I should be taking notes, soaking in the stellar technique and nifty tools these writers use to create these terrific creations. But no. I wallow. I get frustrated and sad. I could never do what they do, says that aggravating sissy in my head.

• The “Ah crap, hard work?” intimidation. You’ve got the germ of a story there in that noggin, but instead of just writing you fret. It’s not going to be any good. It will be a waste of time. It’s too damn hard – the thinking, the organizing, the writing, the revising… And then, knowing the cutthroat world of publishing, ain’t nothing gonna happen with it anyway.

  This is why my novel took four years. My effing head got in the way.

• The “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” intimidation. Ah yes. Akin to the dream of facing a classroom/boardroom/room of the opposite sex without clothing, there’s the nightmare of mass ridicule. There’s that thought that after all your hard work and blood and sweat and bile, your creation will spark not accolade but mass giggles and guffaws.

So what’s the solution? How do you prevent intimidation from taking hold and interrupting the work you really do want to do? I don’t know if there is one. I get intimidation rooted in insecurity all the time when it comes to working on my novels. It’s aggravating beyond belief, and it’s more than a little sad.

I do have one mantra that I use. It’s something that comforts me, that may not provide a clear path of insecurity-free writing, but gives me perspective. I remind myself of all the work and time it took my favorite authors to get to where they are. I remind myself that most authors who have found any kind of success or realization of their dream had a shitload of rejection along the way. I remind myself that it can take a while to find that voice, that many first books, even by the greats, suck, and that great things come from commitment and resolve and sticking it out. In that way, I calm down. I realize that even if this book doesn’t get out there or doesn’t best express me, maybe the next one will. Or the next.

This helps defuse the twin troubles of insecurity and intimidation. It cuts the power of that bitchy little whiner of a voice inside my head, and gives me an environment with less pressure in which to keep working and pushing and creating.

What about you? Any tricks to defang the intimidation you face in a book-length creative project?

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