May
Rant: When to Quit Listening to Others
Hello there, faithful QRW disciples. This week has been a humdinger for the old QRW, with five major deadlines, some late nights, a few dental fillings, and some birthday prep for the old boyfriend. It’s also been a banner week for productivity, thankfully, one in which I was able to push down that annoying procrastinating redhead within and actually get my ass moving. So as I write this, I’m embarking on the first of what will be several celebratory cocktails over the evening and weekend. Salud!
This week’s theme was quitting. As I wrote over several posts, quitting doesn’t have to be the act you’re driven to out of anxiety or pain or anger. Quitting can be a judicious choice, something that furthers that freelancing and creative goals. As Friday is not only Word Porn day, but also time for a well-coiffed rant, let’s take on quitting in a new form.
As writers, creatives, and human beings, we’re bombarded with advice. It can be well meaning and helpful. It can be self-serving and overwhelming. And it can be just plain wrong. So it makes sense to think about when it’s time to quit listening to other people, and just live your own damn life. Herewith, a few of these instances.
What a Writer Should Be
Oh, there’s loads of talk about this. A writer should be dedicated. Pure to the art. Driven. A narcissistic 3-pack-a-day smoker who indulges in absinthe and orgies. A vegan barefoot enthusiast dedicated to socialism and folk/freak/psych rock.
Here’s my thought. Writing is what you effing make of it. If you want to write about puppies and rainbows for self-help books, it might make me stick my fist in my mouth and gag, but more power to you. If you want to shill for corporations that cause mayhem and mischief around the globe, I’m going to be disgusted but it’s your choice. If you want to write the next great American novel, far be it from me to discount your ability, commitment or choices.
Yes, I have firm ideas on what a writer should be. But frak, don’t listen to me. You make your money and you make your life, and you go about being the best damn corporate whore/life coach hack/aspiring great/toiling in silence writer you can be. You have to answer to yourself, your family, and your pets, and that’s it. (And man, that withering gaze from a cat is enough to make you suicidal, innit it?)
What a Healthy Person Should Be
Yeah, yeah. Booze, cigs, sex, and any form of movement are bad for you. It’s desperately confusing to figure it all out. So you rely on your doctor.
Here’s what I’ve learned from immersing myself in medical and medically-oriented magazine writing. Doctors and nurses are wonderful people, and most are able to cut through the crap and help you live the life you want. But healthcare today is also economically driven, and physicians are not immune. They’re pushed to make choices that can often compromise a patient’s economic and physical well being.
Don’t take the plethora of medical research and advice, or the word of your doctor, as gospel. Do what makes the best sense for you. Live the life that makes the best sense, the one that can help you live longer, but also the one that affords you some pleasure. Indulge enough to make you happy, but also rarely enough to make it feel special. At least, that’s my thought as I suck down my well-deserved redbullandvodka.
What a Woman Should Be
Here it comes, dear readers. As you know from reading this blog, I have some different (read: peculiar) opinions about being a female in today’s society. And most of them run contrary to what we’re raised to believe, and what we’re encouraged to value. Women are supposed to dream about their wedding, to happily take on the role of wife, to ecstatically pop out the kids, to be the perfect combination of work warrior and kickass mom.
In this area especially, it behooves both men and women to quit listening to what others say and do what makes you happy. For me, that means a life of happy unmarried commitment to my boyfriend, and one that will most likely not include kids. It means constantly having to explain myself to some women who are frightened, threatened and disgusted by this out of the ordinary idea of womanhood, to seek extra legal protection for myself, and to face support that wanes as time passes and I don’t grow out of this “phase.”
Women (and men) should quit listening to others when it comes to what that gender means in terms of living a happy life. That’s the only way to ensure said happy life. If your choice becomes what’s traditional, but it’s something you’ve chosen, then hey – mazeltov! If not – rock on.
That’s my thoughts. A bit disorganized and stream of consciousness, but hell, that’s often what makes a good rant. I’m always excited to hear what you think as well. Let’s talk.
Adieu, my readers, and enjoy that tall Friday cocktail.
Like this post? Do I hear a Hell Yeah?? Then tell us about it in a comment, spread the word at your favorite social bookmarking site, and subscribe by RSS or email. And enjoy the quietly rebellious life.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh - well ranted, my dear, well ranted!
I remember being asked to write about love & pain as part of a performance I did with a group of women. I ended up writing a 4-page letter to an ex of mine. I call it ‘my howl to the moon’. Was VERY therapeutic. I decided I was gonna give a copy of it to him & was adviced by friends NOT TO. So glad I didn’t listen. One of the best decisions I made.
I have found that following my own sway is more important than the entrapment I sometimes feel when I’m doing what other people feel I should do (even if they mean well).
take care, Amy…
May 18th, 2008 at 6:39 am@2ThePoint - Ballsy! I like it, and I’m glad that you defied public opinion and had a good result from it. So glad to hear from you again!
May 18th, 2008 at 11:44 amIt’s good to be back, dear.
take care…
May 18th, 2008 at 1:37 pmI don’t have anything nearly as pithy to say as 2thepoint. She’s a tough act to follow, but I’m intrigued that women in your peer group question your decision not to marry your boyfriend. Don’t they realize that single people out number marrieds in this country? Projections are that marriage will be outmoded in 50 or so years, save for those with strong religious convictions. I never cease to be amazed that people feel at ease commenting on other people’s business. Gladys Kravitz lives! (An obscure refeerence to ’60s sitcom “Bewitched for those unfamiliar with the reference.).
I can relate to your subhead on “What a Writer Should Be.” Many writers, especially male ones, seem to believe that if you’re not hard at work on the great American novel, you’re not a “real” writer. I would argue that to make dense, technical subjects interesting takes some writing chops too! Keep ranting and rolling.
May 18th, 2008 at 1:50 pmThank goodness for sticking it to ‘the man’. I had to say, when I saw the ‘How To’ header, I almost stopped reading. It /usually/ gets too preachy for me to handle, and I stop reading, but here I was awarded by support for my imaginary anti-conformist movement.
Thank you for that lovely rant. Oh, greets and salutes, since this is my first comment on QRW.
May 18th, 2008 at 7:58 pm@Sherree - It is interesting, isn’t? I think women in their 20s and 30s are a bit more traditional and conservative when it comes to marriage and kids than media hounds would have us believe. So when I come along with my strange arrangement, hell hath no fury.
@Johnny - Welcome! So glad to have you here, and to see another rebel in the midst. Rock on.
May 18th, 2008 at 8:53 pmI’m not one to really comment on conformity since I work in a cubicle for a huge corporation 9-5 . . .
. . . but, I am a creative creature by nature and the 9-5 is just, well, cash to pay for food, shelter, transportation and entertainment.
I am of two minds of the whole what you-should-do/be school and the freedom to be who you really are or do what you want to do. I mean if everybody on Earth were to do just what they want to do, we would be in one complete hell of a mess, don’t you think?
But I stray from the way - there is a way, right? Being a writer, to me anyhow, is writing. Period. It is a creative outlet where there are no real rules and if you stay true to yourself you will not only dance to a different drummer, but create a completely unique percussion instrument all your own . . .
Have I made any sense at all? My only other annoying comment - Never say never; it closes doors of opportunity and makes one rigid, like rigor mortis . . .
May 19th, 2008 at 6:57 am@Paul - excellent points. I’m reminded about the purpose of this blog, to show how I quietly rebel against key strictures and find fulfillment, and how others can too. But to rebel against the ways of the world just for the sake of rebellion is pointless and detrimental. My concentration is on areas in which traditions and stereotypes abound, and from which it can be difficult to blaze a useful, fulfilling path. A distinction, one that may be fine, but which leaves things more open and flexible, and hopefully eliminates the rigidity.
And your lovely phrase about dancing to a different drummer, and then completely creating a unique percussion instrument: a beautiful way to think about it!
May 19th, 2008 at 10:44 amyou are so right on, babe. i am linking to you in tomorrow’s chronicbabe enewsletter. you gotta do what makes sense for you, even if the “experts” don’t always agree. you inspire me!
May 26th, 2008 at 4:30 pm