Welcome one and all to a Friday the 13th that is (so far) free of freakish mass murderers who like to use farm implements. So we got that going for us. Not all is well in the world, of course - my hometown is under water, as is pretty much the entire state of Iowa. Ah, it brings me back, far back to the summer of ‘93 when I turned 16 and two days later an old testament flood knocked out city water and power for weeks. Good times.

Nothing like a little word porn to keep the dastardly demons and spit showers away, right? Let’s dive on in.

Numismatic

Whoo wee! At first blush this doozy sounds like something espoused by Caddyshack golfers, or the qualities ascribed to (ahem) female massagers. But that’s the sheer joy of word porn. What you expect and what transpires are often entirely different and entirely pleasurable (!). Numismatic actually means of or relation to the study or collection of coins and money. Fascinating. Let’s have it in a sentence please!

Rhonda could put up with her 33-year-old son still living at home. She could even deal with his insistence on his laundry done just so, his sandwiches cut just so, and his utter lack of rent payments. But when she discovered that her son spent a good portion of the day dedicated to numismatic pursuits, rather than making actual usable currency, she responded in rational fashion: a bonfire of all his belongings followed by forced removal from the premises.

Salubrious

Ah, it’s finally summer-type weather out. While so far that’s meant a preponderance of rain and wind, there’s still enough sunny (or overcast - hell we’ll accept that in these parts) weather to allow for some (gasp!) enjoyable outdoor activities. So this term fits well. Salubrious means favorable to or promoting health or well-being. Let’s see how this works:

Angela greeted the new summer weather with a renewed commitment to internal and external health, running four miles a day, eating light, and taking walks. Of course, all her salubrious activities were negated by the weekends, filled with an ludicrous excess of alcohol, cigarettes, sloth, and gluttony.

[Full Disclosure: Angela = Amy, otherwise known as your QRW. Healthy by week = very bad by weekend. Ah, such is life.]

Xanthic

Holy crapoley! It’s not often we get to extol the virtues of a word starting with X. And what a decadent sounding specimen this one is. Could it be some variation of it’s rhyming sister in sin, tantric? Could it be the title of the long-awaited and completely, regrettably unnecessary sequel to the cheesetastic Xanadu?? Unfortunately, this little one is ultimately rather boring in the definition department. Xanthic means tending toward a yellow color. Hmm. Perhaps a sentence can spice this yearning-to-be bad boy up?

Towards the end of the night, Jeremy was left alone as his bros all found hos. But as his desperation and inebriation rose, so his standards lowered. His future set as he spotted the target, and used a line so stunning as to leave him thereafter speechless: ‘Yo baby, tho your teeth are xanthic, your body mammoth, and your style tragic, I’m all about getting tantric with you.”

Coolness. Hope you enjoyed.

A brief note to all devotees - no full rant today, as this QRW mismanaged her time on an epic scale this week and still has shit to do. But herewith, a short rant, directed at me, myself, and I.

There once was a girl from the Windy City,
Deadlines aplenty, she worked herself into a fatigued tizzy.
As the weekend neared she made a vow
“Never again will I fuck up my time and have a cow”
But next week looms, and it ain’t pretty.

And I’m spent

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RANDOM LINK of the day: In this week’s Time Out Chicago, locals hit the tourist scene and hilarity ensues. In this article, a bearded Middle Eastern man hits American Girl Place, and freaks out the ladies in the bastion of weirdass femininity.